It’s ironic how I seem as if I’m poking my nose into other people’s businesses all the time. I don’t intend to and I don’t intend to become a part of it, but it’s difficult when I’m always being put in the middle of every situation. First of all, it’s not my problem to begin with so I’m not the one to judge about the issue. If you want my opinion, I’ll give you my opinion and my explanation. Don’t include me in this situation because there’s no room for an additional party. For once in your life, use your own little brains for once and stop peer pressuring me to be in favor of anyone’s side. Please and thank you.
It’s not one of my best years, but better than last year’s. I’m not necessarily saying farewell because the start of the new year is pretty much a continuation of the previous day of the year, but it’s nice to reflect the year as a whole for a change and have that thought of starting anew.
It really got to me on how much I changed over the course of the year. From being depressed to becoming apathetic, it was a major achievement in my life. I learned that the depression was mainly due to nostalgia and petty issues that aren’t even worth being concerned about. I also went through this huge cycle of friends and I think I finally found the solid ones. In addition, I experienced events or things I thought I would never experience until my later years, but I guess I grew up earlier than expected. I don’t mind because I feel a little more prepared and aware for whatever that comes at me, but I don’t want to rush my life to that extent where I wouldn’t have any fond memories of my teenage years. Although I barely accomplished any of my resolutions, I was able to set my priorities straight. I like how I have good time management even with procrastination, because it proves to me that I can be well-off in the real world without my mother reminding me every second to get my work done.
This year went by a breeze and I loved every second of it. Although every second wasn’t wonderful, I love the fact that I was able to cope with it until this very day. I’m so thankful for learning, experiencing, and overcoming so much in this year. The year’s not over yet, but thank you 2010 for being one of the better years!
It was a simple yet complex month, but I’m glad it’s almost over and done with. Being overworked and exhausted in the beginning was well-rewarded because I was able to relax and have fun as winter break began. The ending of December feels like it has the biggest impact in my life than any other month, not just because it’s the end of the year, but because this month has one of the greatest effects due to all the climax building up from the previous months.
It’s funny how I barely even dwell about problems now. For instance, I don’t have that sudden urge to fix it anymore, so I leave it as it is or the way he/she wants it to be. I learned that by doing so, it helps lessen the commotion on the other side. Why take part of something that won’t budge? I don’t care, so I don’t bother. But hey, I’m all ears.
This Christmas is unlike any other year. I was grinning so hard when I was getting out of bed this morning due to all the text messages of “Good morning” and “Merry Christmas” from close or distant friends and people I hardly even know or talk to. Instead of a decorated tree and wrapped presents, my family and I celebrated Christmas by spending the whole day and night with usual family members and distant relatives I never even seen before. I received money as a gift and I was able to socialize with all of them. I know it doesn’t sound as fun as it seems, but it’s difficult to gather people around in my family because everyone would always be too stubborn to settle their differences and put their matters aside. Even with heavy rainfall and cold weather, Christmas is perfect. — Merry Christmas! I hope all of you have a great one. (:
Brighter earlier in the day and darker earlier in the night, the days feel so prolonged and sometimes too short for my liking. With the season becoming much colder, I have this idiosyncrasy to crave for somebody to be with me at all times. Not someone special or any distinctive person, I just need a certain amount of people who would suppress any thoughts of loneliness that evokes internally.
The majority of this month was well-spent with my family and my relatives. I have created stronger bonds with them ever since I have gradually stopped pulling all-nighters in the weekend outside. I like how the conversations are always elaborated and there are no longer any awkward one-word responses. It just puts a smile to my face at the thought of all the family matters being worked out and my relatives no longer being our enemies.
I have finally embraced the fact that the economy has took a downward toll in the world. Even though I’m more aware of the issues going on, I feel as if all I can do is just watch at the sidelines and wait for something to occur. I am in desperate need for a signal, a signal to forewarn me of whatever - the good, the bad, just something. Sometimes I wish world peace did exist, but then again other problems would sprout about. Utopia really is an ideal.
Even though I possess childlike qualities, it finally occurred to me that I am no longer a child anymore. The problematic issues that arise day by day are more consequential than ever before. I feel pressure induced from all sides - family, friends, and even self. Due to the high expectations and goals, I am burdened with everything weighing down on my shoulders. I am expected to be my best and try my hardest, but when is it ever enough? My efforts always come unnoticed and their ideals are too unrealistic to manage. Every deadline, every obligation, and every additional goal I hope to succeed might just further contribute to my failures. This thought makes me feel restless, but in a strange sense motivates me to accomplish what I wish to achieve. From now on, I am actually going to be more attentive of my future. I don’t know what the future holds but the future isn’t an overwhelming place anymore.
When I got on the bus last night to head home, I encountered a bald man that looks similar to Freddy Krueger in the recent A Nightmare On Elm’s Street movie. Something about him gave me the jitters so I moved away a little and he began to consistently stare at me with his body unmoving and his eyes unblinking. Being apprehensive, I decided to take a seat in the middle next to a blond lady. Freddy Krueger (the bald man) walked to the middle in front of where I was seated and situated himself behind me. I leaned forward as he felt on my hair and the blond lady sitting next to me moved to the front. Because of the fact that I leaned forward, he stretched his legs in an attempt to kick my boots from behind. I quickly walked to the front of the bus, seating myself between the blond lady and this other woman. A kind businessman who witnessed what had just occurred, followed me to where I was sitting and said, “This guy is unbelievable. He has no right to do that to you. I’ll make sure you’re safe okay? What stop do you get off at?” I sat there speechless, too blank and terrified to speak. “I’m not going to do anything to you okay? I’ll stand in front of you so he won’t be able to interact with you. If he doesn’t get off before you get off and he follows you out, I’ll bring you to your destination,” the businessman said. “Yeah in fact, I’ll bring you too.” the other woman added. Nodding hesitatingly, I replied softly and gave a small thanks. Freddy Krueger walks to the front of the bus and tries to interact with me in some way like attempting to have his eyes locked onto mine but completely fails because of the three people surrounding me. Surrendering, he gets off at the next stop and subsequently knocks on the window outside. The bus driver rapidly closes both doors of the bus and drives away in order to prevent the bald guy from getting on again. Thanking everyone, I arrived home safe and sound.
The events of this weekend was so abrupt, so random and somewhat peculiar in the eyes of another being. I went through so much phases that I don’t usually go through on just a “simple” weekend. No not emotionally, but physically.
Friday (Crazy partying): I had the best time of my life on Friday with the people I came with, the people I met, and the people I reconnected with. Everything like the $50 ticket, the frustration from planning and unexpected changes last minute, the mild rain, and the “long” wait in line were all worth it. Best of all, I am relieved that I survived and returned in one sane piece with only little dirt covered on me.
Saturday (Traveling & relaxation): The aftereffect of Friday night was terrible, but in a strange sense fun. I dreaded leaving my friend’s house in the daytime and having to wander around in an attempt to acquire my keys, which completely failed by the way because of my lack of a phone. After finally arriving to my house and some rest, I had the night to myself in which I spent in full relaxation and comfort from watching various movies and eating to my stomach’s satisfaction. I am glad the day was well-spent and few people saw me in my shitty state.
Sunday (Halloween): The only words that can describe this night were: absurd and crazy. I hung out with the most diverse group of individuals who each have very distinct minds which really impacted the perspective of my life. I am surprised I got along with them so well ‘cause I usually wouldn’t bother even taking a glance or communicating with them in school or out in the streets. It was like reliving the childhood life all over again where cliques were nonexistent and friends were all compiled into one whole group. Despite the fact that I rarely ever hang out with them, I am at ease because there are never any awkward moments whenever we hang out. We reconnect fast and there is absolutely no drama whenever I am around them. I like the distinctiveness and it’s just something more unique than the usual Asian clique I hang out with.
Monday (Relaxation at its highest peak): Arriving home in the early morning and jumping straight into bed felt so fucking amazing. It never felt this great to be home and I like experiencing this feeling. The day is not yet over so I cannot describe what has happened today. All I know is, I got enough sleep and now I’m cruising through the memory lane in an attempt to blog about everything that has occurred this weekend while it’s still fresh off my mind. — Words cannot express how fucking great everything was. Being able to receive the unexpected and dealing with the effects are the best because the unexpected is always better than planned and I feel so accomplished at the end of the day, like I overcame an obstacle or I overpowered someone. Fully content, fully satisfied, and completely happy. Natural or unnatural, all I know is, I’m happy and that’s what matters most to me.
Thank you weekend, thanks for treating me well. :D
Before you start pointing fingers at people, at least get your facts straight through confrontations instead of believing all those false rumors that roam about. I cannot prevent you from judging, but at least have the decency to get to know me beforehand.
There is so much stability in my life that everything is now becoming predictable, so robotic like someone is manipulating my life to how he or she pleases. In a strange sense, I like it. I find such satisfaction over the consistent routines and procedures all done in the same numerical order because the balance is putting my mindset to rest. There are always those inconsistent irritations that bother me throughout the day, but the thoughts and emotions subside fast and I continue on like nothing ever happened.
Maybe the stability is due to the fact that I am not the same person as I was once before a few months ago. I don’t feel a bit depressed or emotional. In fact, it seems as if I have lost all of my emotions aside from being content or annoyed. I am so blank nowadays, so dazed out and unaware of the world around me. Often times, you can find me zoning out and giving one-word replies because I avoid all unnecessary conversations that are proven irrelevant or uninteresting. Strange for a girl who loves to give lengthy replies isn’t it?
My workload is compiled high up into the skies and I feel as if I am too busy for everyone anymore aside from the weekends and the times when I don’t have school, homework, and work. When I am free however, it feels as if society is consuming me. I am too addicted to hanging out with the crowd that I don’t have time for my own personal self anymore. For instance, whenever I have spare time, I force myself to leave the house and to hang out because it feels like I’m wasting a day if I don’t. I miss the long endless hours of sleep, moping around the house, playing violent games, reading various genres of books, and pigging out to all the food in the fridge. Those days were bliss. Once I have achieved overcoming my addiction, I shall have one of these days again.
Anyways, the reasons for my absence on Tumblr are because: 1) I am too busy. 2) I don’t have anymore sullen thoughts. Don’t judge and question me so easily, I am not fucking going through a depressing or tragic period in my life for your information.
I know it’s a little late to be writing to you since the first has already arrived and passed, but I hope you treat me well this month. Like everyone says, there are 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays this month which can only happen in 823 years. Make this month lucky and special to me or at least bring me contentedness. I’m off to a great start, don’t fail me now.
Day Ten: Unofficial or official relationships. Explain.
My opinion on unofficial and official relationships are dependent on their circumstances because if I really like a certain person, then obviously I would want to make it official for the world to see that that person is mine and mine only (for the time being). However, unofficial relationships satisfy me the best because I can very easily end it and give this lame excuse: “We weren’t together in the first place!” Just kidding, I am not that cruel.
Last night, something supernatural occurred and I know it was because of you. The dog was consistently barking at a certain area in my room and jumping excitedly everywhere providing me the notion that someone or something was there playing with him. The rabbit had this startled look like some entity was about to attack her. You came didn’t you? You finally came to visit me. I used to notify our parents that I was petrified of your presence because the thought of the unnatural world frightened me, but I’m not terrified anymore. I know I’m not permitted to talk or think about you, but I can’t help myself. You keep reeling back into my life and of course, I would reel you in. I don’t want you to disappear either.
I had a dream and I woke up sweating and crying because of you. You spoke to me with that calm voice of yours updating me about how your so-called “life” was going, about how you long to be alive, and about how you wish you could be a part of this family again. I felt so helpless because all I could do was just listen to you speak to me while I was just sitting there in the dark silence. Can you read my mind? Is that why you gave me the inability to talk to you? Do you know that I miss you? You haven’t visited me in my dreams ever since middle school. What happen to being there for me huh? This home that contains a family isn’t a family nor a home without you. I feel like a lunatic because I doubt anyone believes that I saw you in my dreams again. I hate the fact that I can only remember a mere illusion of you. Come and visit me anytime soon and I hope you’re happy wherever you are.
What the fuck is a home that doesn’t feel like “home”? What the fuck is the point in living in a nice place if it still isn’t home to you? There’s nothing good about that. I could have all of the damn electronics and materialistic things I want, and I still wouldn’t want to be in this place I call “home.” Home is where the heart is? Well fuck this place. My heart is certainly not here.
I’m thankful for having a roof over my head, but fuck this place. I don’t want to be here. Goodbye.
This is a period of time in my life where I feel so empty inside, so lost like a wandering soul with no open pathway to be set free. Hopefully in the future, I’m bound to end up somewhere. This strong, bitter, cruel, cold facade I’m putting up is slowly breaking and hopefully in the future, it’s going to be repaired without being broken down into. I’m doing such stupid things right now that are pushing my friends away and I don’t know if I should cling onto them or let them go. After all, everything happens for a reason and I guess their chapter in my life will soon be ended. Change is immensely affecting me and I’m frightened of what is to become of me. In order for this to process, I wish time would run faster and make the day go by quickly. I want to change into a better person, but then again what is a better person? My lack of common sense can’t decipher my rights and my wrongs. I can say that I’m content to an extent right now, but then the worries and the problems prevent me from full happiness. The only thing stabilizing my mentality right now is the ability and freedom to vent. Everything’s just eating at me slowly but at least I’m facing everything and not running away from my problems. Hopefully the future treats me well. No more pessimistic contemplations, no more negative feelings, just happiness and contentedness. Oh how I crave to lose this insanity and this disposition. — I realized that all of my posts are pessimistic. No I’m not a depressing and emotional person, this is just a place for me to release all my negativity, lol. There’s always something good about everyday and I don’t bother to mention it because it’s stored permanently in my memory of happiness. Well aren’t I just a ray of sunshine? ^_______^ V
Day Eight: How do you decipher infatuation/lust from like/love?
Infatuation and lust are when you develop a strong sexual craving or physical desire for someone due to their physical attributes. You can also feel infatuated when you first meet someone new because that person’s different and it’s something new to you that you want to understand. After you figure a person out, the infatuation diminishes because that person isn’t a mystery anymore. Moreover, your feelings subside fast and there is no dwelling about it. I love being infatuated because you don’t sulk about that one person for a long period of time and you get back on your feet fairly quickly. You move on and pick another ripe berry in the batch. So much choices to choose from and no feelings of remorse to care. I love it.
Like and love are difficult to explain because like I once said, I never loved anyone and I have liked only two people in my life. Because of those two people, I can say that you feel such powerful emotions surging in you when you’re in like. I felt the typical heart racing, the butterflies in your stomach, the tingly sensation, happiness in all forms (eyes brightening, smile’s wider, etc.), the anxiety when you don’t comprehend what is wrong with the other person, the sadness, the pain, the heartthrob, the reminiscences - everything, just every type of emotion compacted into one another. It is also a balance between liking their physical attributes and their personality, likewise to a combination of physical interaction and communication. In my perspective, love and like are dangerous. It can really kill your whole well-being because all you can do is contemplate about that one person and after they’re gone, you feel such animosity, resentment, and searing pain that never ceases. It has been one year and as much as I crave to overlook this last person, I can’t. Like and love is a bittersweet feeling. I think the only way to be rid of this feeling of like/love is if you find someone else to replace him/her or if you move onto someone else. Other than that, welcome to months of pure agony, devastation, desperation, and heartbreak!
Sex can be for pleasure or for making love. I think a person’s first time is usually with someone of significant importance and after that, it does not really matter anymore. I find the meaning of sex overrated because everyone seems to be losing their virginity nowadays. What happen to sex after marriage? It is highly unlikely for someone to marry being a virgin.
I don’t know. Fuck, I’m at a lost for words right now and I can’t even think straight. Like the majority of the people on Tumblr, I want to vent but I don’t know how to say it and put it out into words. What is wrong with me lately? My mentality has changed its course and it’s really scaring me. I am so pathetic… Where am I going in my life? I wish I had an answer.
Why do I even bother to try to understand? It seems like I never will. I’m wandering, trying to reach destination. Where am I going? Holy fuck, I don’t know. I’m on a trip, and this trip has me homesick. I want to go back home, but I’m so far from the familiar. So I keep on walking. I walk in a way that just says that I’m trying to get somewhere. Not too fast, not too slow. Eagerly walking. Like I’m trying to catch a bus. I’m trying to get there. But I don’t know where the fuck I’m trying to go. I guess I’m just looking for a safe spot. Looking for a comfort zone, and any place that resembles “home” in any type of way. It’s not that I’m a coward. Fuck. I love exploring. But fuck. I also love being home. I don’t know where the fuck I am. I’m a lonely drifter stuck on this train of thought. A train that has no set destination.
I would rather be chased because pursuing someone is the least bit of my interest unless they are attractive gay females. Other than that, they come and they go. In my opinion, love is a joke and I am not ready to settle down yet. Any relative feelings to love can wait.
Day Five: What is the stupidest thing you have ever done because of liking someone?
The stupidest thing I have ever done out of like was the time when I made 101 stars that each contained something I liked about this guy because he consistently questioned my feelings for him. As I was about to give it to him for his upcoming birthday, we stopped talking all of a sudden and for some stupid reason, I didn’t bother to talk to him either. After two months of sulking, I went on this huge rampage where I wrote the same 101 things on 101 post-it notes and scattered them all over Ocean Beach at night. I did this because I thought it would rid me from liking him and it would make me feel as if I was “letting him go”. If you happen to find one of these post-it notes in Ocean Beach that begins with a number and it says “I like…..”, then you have found my scattered feelings. What happened to those stars? Well it’s in this heart-shaped jar hidden somewhere in my closet. I was about to mail it to him right after I set free of my feelings but then what would be the point of that right? I find it so humorous how I do the stupidest things out of like and maybe that’s why I have become so immune to falling for anybody. Have a nice laugh. :D
It is ironic how everyone always has something to complain about when happiness and perfection were so close to their reach. People didn’t appreciate what they have until it is gone and everyone goes “I miss…” or “I regret…” When can we ever be satisfied? For example, every entry I posted for Freshman year in my private blog seemed so simple and yet I complained about it anyway. I don’t understand why I tripped about the littlest things and why I brought agony/despair upon myself due to my over-contemplation. This dumb bitch (me) needs to move on from the past and set things straight as soon as possible.
Lesson Learned: To appreciate everything and anything ‘cause life in the future may be far worst than what you think it is now.
Day Four: What are the components of a good relationship?
The basic factors for a well-balanced and well-developed relationship are:
Trust: Believe in your partner. Stop making false assumptions about each other. The more you trip, the more your relationship would decline.
Communication: What is the point of being in a relationship when everything is all physical? It just goes to show that you are only attracted to your significant other physically and in desperate need for physical intercourse. You and your partner should also have an easy flow of conversation as well as have the ease to share anything. No secrets should be hidden or it would come biting at your buttocks in the future.
Physical Interaction: The “fun” stuff. You may not need to lose your virginity or become too intimate to your significant other, but little things like holding hands or kissing makes relationships interesting and fun.
Balance: You and your partner should be in equality. Don’t let one person contribute to everything, meaning that both people have to take initiative and put effort in this relationship too!
Time: I cannot fathom how time is so valuable in a relationship. Spend some time with your significant other. None of this “meet-up-for-five-minutes-to-hug” thing. Long-distance relationships are an exception I guess, but there’s something called webcams! That’s somewhat like a hang-out, right?
Space: Over-protection and clingy-ness is a definite no. Your obsession would scare your significant other. Don’t do it.
I swear, I sound more and more like a corny dating website everyday.
Day Three: Which is more important: looks or personality? Why?
To be blunt, looks are more important than personality. However, personality is of more value. Looks are what attracts a person and the personality is what keeps the person. If someone who is opposite of your preference comes up to you and asks you on a date, would you accept or would you decline? If you picked accept, then would you acknowledge or ignore their looks? How about if you were doing physical interaction with that person and all of a sudden you see their face and it turns you off? You cannot put up a facade and ignore it forever. Face the fact that that person’s attributes are displeasing in your eyes. Let me interrogate you again, is having the best personality in the entire world enough to keep your lover? One could at least admit that looks have a little significance on romance. Then again, you both can be online lovers and look cute on gaming characters or conceive a lie using fake pictures of yourselves through the internet. Your judgment, your decision, your pick. Choose wisely. Conclusion: Looks accommodate personality. Personality accommodates looks. They are both of real importance in a relationship. Although, LOOKS > PERSONALITY.
I encountered yet another near death experience today. My heart suddenly slowed its beating and my vision begins to blur, eliciting faces to resemble shades of gray smogs. I squint my eyes and hurriedly drank a gulp of water in an attempt to make the feeling reside, but nothing proceeds. In fact, it gets much worst. The downed water abruptly arises back up my throat and I begin having this inability to inhale any oxygen. At this point, my face evolves into a bright reddish color and I have this immense temptation to scream for help but resisted. Who can help me when no one understands? They probably would have thought I was psychotic or suffering from the unbearable heat. Wincing in pure agony, I realized how much death seemed to be in my grasp at that moment and it felt so tempting to seize it. If I did, what would have happened? Months of dwelling in the hospital? Months of breathing out of a tube? Months of no school and no friends? Is that really what I wanted? I am frightened of what my future holds. This minor death experience is a close call and a constant reminder that I am still the same girl who suffers from months of agony in the hospital, who suffers from minimal colorblindness, and who suffers from an inefficient heart. My life is actually precious to me now and I don’t want to leave this world, not just yet.
As dawn becomes to dusk, I undergo this eccentric sensation of uneasiness and solicitude. For what? I do not know. I cannot comprehend why I feel the way I feel, but my mentality informs me that I am anticipating something. Maybe I am awaiting for somebody/something to arrive or to occur, or maybe I am just delusional. What the fuck.
Some people say my life is fun, while me on the other hand thinks it’s okay. I think I go out way too much. Too much that I don’t really spend time with my family. I rather spend boring time with my family rather than just party all weekend. It gets really sickening. I admit, it gets fun, but the next day is always the bad part. I’ll start wanting more, party more, and do all those crazy shit all over again. I want to spend some of my weekends being sober. Not drunk or high all day. I want to wake up in my own bed on Saturdays and Sundays. I want to have friends that can stop drinking and smoking. Oh man, oh man ♥, maybe I just want a simple life.
Ideal Boyfriend: A semi-rebellious average-looking guy who has the smarts to outsmart me and the wits to humor me. An unpredictable, mysterious, sweet, and caring guy who I can trust and who can keep me interested.
Ideal Girlfriend: An independent, balanced, and average-looking chick who is appreciative and trustworthy. An intriguing/fascinating chick who can prove to me that she is worth the chase.
I’m the type of person who has high expectations/standards. It’s an extremely low possibility that anyone can ever meet all those requirements, but it has the adjective “ideal” for a reason. I would not degrade myself down to your liking, but there are minor exceptions if you hit one of those key points or if I find an attraction towards you. However, I am absolutely intolerant to clingy, obsessive, overprotective, and demanding people. I need my space too!
You perceive the correct strategies and the scrupulous maneuvers to win, but are you surely winning? How are you so convinced that you are in succession? I am amused at the fact that your belief of being in domination is increasing your arrogance. I appreciate your obliviousness to my devious tactics because I am finally having some entertainment solely due to your presence, your predictability, and your antics. It takes two to play this game and I am well-aware that you won all of your previous games, but it does not take a genius to prove that you are nothing of importance to me. You consist of deceptions and fabrications that are valueless in my eyes. I would be astonished if you were able to comprehend what I am attempting to convey to you. Then again, you are full of surprises. Prove me wrong.
I love that feeling of numbness when you’re laying in bed exhausted from life. Where you don’t feel anything, hear anything and don’t care about anything. You literally drift off into your own world where your thoughts build and you begin to listen. You become so concentrated on what your mind is saying that without knowing it, you drift off into sleep. Your conscience is a powerful thing telling you what’s right and wrong and I feel like this is where you’re most connected.
I am becoming emotionless and cold towards others. I do not have any care about anything/anyone in the world except what/who interferes with my life. If you are special to me, no doubt I will care about you but that is about it. Everything/everyone else is unworthy of my time and is unworthy of being concerned about.
You can try to read me and understand the words on my pages. You can try to study every word that is written on those lines. As you flip the pages of my book, you’ll hear about the stories from my past. But you will never know the true definition of me. You will never figure me out. So don’t shove me in your bookshelf when you’re done reading me because you couldn’t understand me. I’m not a book and if you don’t like who I really am, don’t try to rip the pages in my book and instead help me try to write the unwritten pages.
Love. What is love? Is love the forgiveness that’s given when he/she cares too much to be angry? Is it that feeling of sensation whenever he/she comes in contact with each other’s hands? Or is it that intense electric spark that is received when shoulders collide with one another at first sight? Love is too complex to define with mere words. Love is an emotion, a feeling. It is pain, fear, anger, and confusion. It is pleasure, courage, happiness, and enlightenment. It is life and it is death. It is all things in ambivalence, and yet it can be nothing at all.
I am quite sensitive on the topic of love. I have never once experienced it, but judging from the perspectives of others, it seems as if it can be the deepest emotion that anyone can ever feel, which is way too overwhelming for my liking. In all honesty, I am afraid to love because I am afraid to get hurt. Maybe I am just not ready for love, but then again, is anyone? I know I should take risks but I am not ready for commitment. I am a kid at heart and this kid wants to move freely. I am not saying that I like to jump from one person to another every week. It is just difficult to be in a steady relationship because I lose interest fast and I don’t like to be tied down. The main point is that love for a significant other is unimportant to me as harsh as that sounds. If I were to truly love you, you must be important. Treasure that, because I am not one who can love so easily.
Day One: What is your perspective on love? Day Two: What is your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend? Day Three: Which is more important: looks or personality? Why? Day Four: What are the components of a good relationship? Day Five: What is the stupidest thing you have ever done because of liking someone? Day Six: Chase or be chased. Explain. Day Seven: How do you feel about sex? Day Eight: How do you decipher infatuation/lust from like/love? Day Nine: How do you let your crush know you like them? Day Ten: Unofficial or official relationships. Explain.
Seeing the beautiful lights at the pier last night struck me to realization on how much I want to get away from here. I want to travel to new places, meet new faces, and experience new things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m content with living in this city but sometimes I just want to try something new for once.
Why do girls always fall for bad guys? What makes them so attractive? Why do you continuously fall for the same tactics they’re using to other girls? Why do you want to tame them so bad? Why are you still chasing them after they’re through with you? Why do you so desperately want him? Why is he so special? Why is he the reason why you cry yourself to sleep at night? Why is he the one that takes up the majority of your thoughts? Why do your emotions/actions depend on him? Why do you still go for him when you know you deserve better? Advice: Don’t give in too easily. Take it slow and make it last. If he likes/loves you, he’ll give you the same amount of effort/time that you give him and that’s what you deserve.
I have been staring blankly at the computer screen for half an hour now and no thoughts have come to my mind. No troubles, no rage, no sadness, no emotions, no feeling - just nothing. I love this feeling of being at ease and as a reward, I’m going to dress freely tomorrow and be relaxed. I just hope I don’t knock out with my sleeping clothes on.